


my longing drives me crazy for you

by orphan_account



Series: skam fic week [1]
Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Friends to Lovers, Light Angst, M/M, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-14
Updated: 2017-08-14
Packaged: 2018-12-15 07:38:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,762
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11801475
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Isak's mum worries, Isak makes bad life decisions and Even loves Isak.





	my longing drives me crazy for you

**Author's Note:**

> hellooo im REALLY nervous about this. this is the first fic with actual plot ive literally ever written. all these fic week works have been a lot of fun to write but such a huge challenge for me so pls go easy on me!! ily
> 
> hope you enjoy <3
> 
> title from worship by years & years

Isak has been living in London for six weeks now and his mum still frets over him every single day and it’s really starting to get on his nerves. He knows she only does it because she loves him, and he appreciates her so much, but it’s still annoying having your mother call you three times a day to fret over you as if you aren’t twenty years old. Besides, his mum has more important things to worry about other than whether or not Isak has made friends at school yet.

“Mamma, I’ve been living here for almost two months and I’m fine. I’m an adult and I’m _fine._ ”

“You’ll always be a baby to me. And it’s a completely new country, and I’m very proud of you but I just think of you out there all alone with no one–“

“I’m not _all_ alone, mamma. I have friends. And Even is here,” he says exasperatedly.

“Yeah, well, that does comfort me a little, him being there. But it’s not like he can take care of you all the time.”

Isak swallows down his coffee bitterly. He’s very well aware that Even can’t take care of him all the time. We can’t always get everything we want, can we?

“Mamma. I’m _fine_ ,” he insists again.

“I know, darling,” his mum sighs. “I just don’t want you to be alone.”

God, he really hates that she spends so much time worrying about him. There has to be something that could ease her mind. He wracks his brain for something to make it better, and then–

“Well, actually, now that you’ve brought it up. I’m not alone, I have a… boyfriend,” he lies.

“ _Really?_ Why didn't you just say so?!” Christ, she sounds like Christmas came early. Isak isn’t that hopeless, is he?

“Yeah. He… takes care of me, looks after me, all that. I’m sorry I haven’t told you, it’s just still kind of new.”

“Oh, sweetheart, don’t worry about it! I’m just so happy you have someone there for you!” she gushes.

“Yeah, yeah, it’s great,” Isak says. “I have to go now, okay? I’m making breakfast and you know I’m shit at it so I have to focus.”

His mum laughs, “Alright, take care, Isak.”

“You too, mamma, bye,” he says before hanging up.

He sighs and sets his phone on the counter next to his coffee cup. He feels a little bad about lying to his mum but… it’s a white lie, right? And it’s not like Isak will have to worry much about his mum thinking he has a boyfriend.

*******

Even takes him out to dinner on Wednesday because Isak had a bad day, and Even is amazing like that. He takes him to their favorite restaurant that’s just expensive enough to have amazing food and good service but still on this side of cheap. 

“How is school going? You still handling everything okay?” Even asks as soon as they’re seated, because he basically worries about Isak as much as his mum does. He’s babied Isak ever since they met, even though he’s only two and a half years older.

“Yes, I’m handling it,” Isak sighs. “I might lose my shit soon, though, if you and mamma don’t both stop with the excessive worrying.”

Even grins around his mouthful of appetiser salad, “It’s not our fault you’re such a baby.”

“I will kill you violently.”

Even laughs at that, “Oh, come on, we worry because we care. You could have it a lot worse, you know.”

“You sound like you’re my _dad_ or something,” Isak grumbles, Which, ew, he’d rather not think about Even being related to him because… ew. “You do know you don’t actually have to raise me along with mamma?”

“I’ll always take care of you, Iss, no matter how much you pretend to hate it,” is all Even says, and Isak would die before admitting it out loud, but the words make something warm settle in his stomach.

“Whatever,” Isak mutters, because he has a reputation to keep up. Even knows Isak loves him even if he isn’t exactly the best with words. “Hand me the butter?”

*******

Isak’s fake boyfriend lie actually worked, because ever since he mentioned having one, his mum has limited his check up calls to _one_ per day, which is pretty revolutionary for her. 

The only problem is that whenever she does call, she _always_ asks about Isak’s boyfriend, and Isak never has any idea what to say. He says a lot of shit without thinking about it first and this is where it leads him. At the moment he wasn’t thinking about anything other than making his mum feel better and he thought lying about a boyfriend was a brilliant idea. But the more his mum asks about him the more it dawns on Isak that it wasn’t brilliant at all. It was a very, very stupid idea.

“You told me you’ve been dating for almost a month and I know nothing about him,” his mum is saying over the phone. “You haven’t even told me his name!”

 _Fuck._ Name. He hasn’t even thought of a fake name, what kind of an amateur is he? Alright, just think of a name Isak, any name, _any_ name.

“It’s Even.” _Not that name._

“Even?! As in, _Even_ Even?” his mum is asking, her voice all high and excited.

“Uh... yeah. That Even. Yeah…”

“That’s so great, Isak! He’s always taken care of you, this is really so wonderful.”

Isak just laughs nervously. This is _fine._ It’s not like Even has to know about this. Him and Isak’s mum get along but they don’t like, text or talk when Isak isn’t there. Isak will just… wait it out and after a few weeks or months he and Even will “break up” and everything will be okay. This is not a big deal.

*******

Isak is FaceTiming with Jonas that same evening when he decides he needs to talk to someone about his own idiotic life decisions.

“I kind of have to talk to you about something stupid I did.” He receives a hum in response, urging him to go on, so he continues. “I told mamma I have a boyfriend.”

Jonas is silent for a second before speaking, “You don’t, though, right?”

“No,” Isak sighs. “It’s just. You know how much she worries now that I live here and I just couldn’t take it anymore. So I told her I have a boyfriend who like, ‘takes care of me’ and whatever.”

“Okay…” Jonas says, “Well, that isn’t the way I’d deal with that problem but I guess it’s not that bad, right?”

Isak sighs, “I wish. There’s more.” Jonas raises an eyebrow, which Isak takes as meaning go on, so he does. “I told her it’s Even.”

“ _What?!_ Why?!”

“I don’t know!” Isak throws his hand up. “I hadn’t even thought of a fake name because I didn’t really think it that far and then she asked me for a name and Even’s just… came out! I don’t know!”

Jonas is judging him so hard, he can tell just from looking at his face. “Well, are you gonna tell Even?”

“No! Of course not. I’ll just… wait it out. Eventually we’ll,” he makes air bunnies, “‘break up’, and it’ll be fine, right?”

“I guess…” while Jonas is speaking Isak gets a text from his mum and clicks on it. “Was your mamma like, happy about it being Even?”

Isak ignores him in order to read the text.

From: Mamma

_Hi Isak, I forgot to ask today over the phone. What is your school schedule like for next week?_

To: Mamma

_My school schedule? Why?_

“Isak? Did you die?”

“Hold on,” Isak says with furrowed brows. “Mamma is texting me about my school schedule?”

From: Mamma

_I’m coming to visit for five days next week. Did you forget?_

Isak’s eyes widen in horror. “Oh shit.”

“What is it? Is something wrong with your mum?” 

Isak quickly types a reply to his mum before clicking back to the FaceTime app.

To: Mamma

_Oh, right! Didn’t forget. I’m talking to Jonas right now, so I’ll text you about the schedule later._

“Jonas, oh my god. Mamma is coming to visit _next week_ and I totally forgot!”

“Okay… do you have plans? Or why is that such a bad thing?”

“Are you serious? Literally what have we just been talking about?” Isak asks, staring at him in disbelief. “She thinks Even and I are dating! What am I gonna do?!”

“Oh, right,” Jonas says. “Well, this is a bit of pickle.”

“No shit! What do I do?”

“You could ‘break up’ with him already?”

“No, that wouldn’t work. Even will want to see mamma when she’s here and if she thinks we’ve just broken up, she would obviously bring it up, and I can’t forbid Even from seeing her for no reason.”

“Isak,” Jonas says seriously. “Your only option is to tell Even.”

“No,” Isak whines as dread fills his stomach. “I don’t want to. Don’t make me.”

“You got yourself into this mess and you’re gonna have to deal with it, Issy K.”

Burying his face in his one hand not holding his phone Isak lets out the longest and most suffering groan he’s ever let out, while Jonas laughs at him in the background.

Okay, Isak can do this. All he has to do is tell Even about what an idiot Isak is (which Even already knows) and ask him to be his fake boyfriend for five days. That’s totally a normal thing to ask of your best friend, right?

*******

So the next day when Isak is hanging out at Even’s place, and Even is in a very good mood after crushing Isak at Mario Kart for the fifth time, Isak brings it up.

“You want me to do what?” Even asks incredulously.

“I know it sounds crazy–”

“That’s because it is crazy,” Even interrupts him.

“I know, but–”

“I mean, Isak,” he interrupts again. “We’ve been friends for years, how did your mum even buy it?”

“I don’t know! But she did! I know this is stupid and I’m an idiot but I don’t wanna hurt her so can you please, please just do this for me? You’d have to hang out with us like, three times in the five days she’s here, please, Even? Please please please,” Isak pleads in a rush.

Even just stares at him for a few beats and then he sighs resignedly. _Yes._ That’s definitely Even’s I-can’t-believe-I’m-actually-gonna-do-this-for-my-idiotic-best-friend-sigh.

“You know I’d do anything for you.” Isak’s pretty sure his heart does something borderline dangerous in his chest. “What will be required of me?”

“Just hang out with us a few times and talk about how I’m the light of your life and the best boyfriend ever?” Even raises a sceptical eyebrow at that. “Convince her that I’m not all alone out here and that you’re looking out for me?”

“I do look out for you.” 

“I know but, you know.”

“You are so ridiculous, Issy,” Even states with a shake of his head, but there’s a smile twitching at his lips.

“So you’ll do it?” Isak says excitedly.

“You owe me a huge favor,” Even says, pointing a finger at him.

Isak jumps to hug him, “Thank you so, so much, Even. This is why you’re my best friend!”

After he’s done being ecstatic that Even said yes, he realises that in his haste to hug him, Isak ended up in his lap. He blushes furiously and scampers off, shaking his head so his curls cover half of his face.

Casual. Isak can be casual. He’s the master of being casual. He clears his throat and looks at Even. And. Even looks really weird. He’s looking at Isak with this look that Isak can’t really figure out. He opens his mouth to ask _what?_ but doesn’t get the chance before Even is grabbing his controller and announcing, “Your first favor is putting up with me beating you at Mario Kart at least another five times.”

 

Later, Isak and Even have abandoned Mario Kart, drank a few beers and now they’re… studying, so to speak, for when they’ll spend time with Isak’s mum.

“Should I keep my hand on your waist or hip?”

“Yeah, yeah, that’s good, I guess,” Isak agrees. “And I guess we should call each other pet names or something? Oh! We need to agree on how we started dating as well, she might ask.”

“Well obviously I asked you out, you would never ask me out.”

“ _What?_ I could ask you out!”

Even laughs, “Isak, when you actually like someone you can’t even _look_ at them and if they don’t make the first move you just forget about them. Which is probably why you’ve never had a boyfriend.”

“You’re so mean,” Isak pouts. “Whatever, okay, you asked me out. How?”

Even shrugs, “One day, you told her we got together about a month ago, right? Okay, so let’s say on the… for example twenty first of October, we were hanging out and I just kissed you and asked you out,” Even says. “Honestly Isak, I don’t think she’s gonna ask for _details._ ”

“Well excuse me for wanting to make sure this works, I don’t want mamma thinking I lie to her about everything. She’ll start worrying even more and convince herself I’m secretly a drug dealer or a prostitute or something.”

“Okay, okay, drama queen. What about kissing?” Even asks and Isak’s stomach falls to his feet and is he imagining it or is Even suddenly a lot closer? “Should we kiss in front of her?”

“Uh…” all thoughts are escaping him as he stares up at Even, who, okay, is _definitely_ closer than before. He shakes his head and moves back a little bit on the couch. “I’m sure we won’t have to! It’ll be fine! Okay, I think this is enough studying. Wanna play fifa?” Isak says in a rush before gulping down half of his beer can.

Even just looks at him for a few beats with that same weird look before he laughs and shakes his head, grabbing his controller.

*******

Isak is nervous when Even arrives to dinner the night his mum arrived to London. This is the first time his mum will see them interact since they “started dating”, and Isak really doesn’t want her to figure out it was all a lie, it could really hurt her and Isak would feel like a horrible son.

Even arrives with flowers for Marianne and a bottle of wine to go with dinner. Isak knows nothing about wines but it looks expensive. And Even. He looks fucking _amazing._ Isak feels like he might faint as soon as he opens the door, so it’s a good thing Even saves him by giving him a tight hug, palm low on his back with a small smile and a “hi baby”. Isak smiles back feebly and welcomes him in. It’s also a good thing Even keeps his arm around Isak, because the chances of fainting are still very high after Even calling him _baby._

“It’s so good to see you,” he tells Isak’s mum, stepping in to hug her tightly.

“Oh, Even, it’s been too long! Thank you so much for taking care of my Isak,” Marianne gushes.

“Always,” Even says and sends a soft smile over to Isak. Isak almost drops the wine bottle. “You need me to cook, right baby?” Even asks when they’re inside and settled and is this gonna be a thing? Is Even just gonna continuously call him baby for the next five days? Because Isak might die.

“What? I can cook!” Isak insists, offended. Even and Marianne both just raise judgemental eyebrows at him. Rude. “Okay, yeah, I need you.” 

The food turns out amazing, which is no surprise. Because Even is an amazing cook because Even is amazing at everything he does. If Isak didn’t love him so much he’d probably be bitter about it.

“Isak has always been terrible with food, it’s great you’re such a good cook, Even, and I’m sure this one here takes full advantage of it,” Isak’s mum says halfway through dinner.

“Oh, he does,” Even smirks. Asshole.

“That’s good,” she says with a smile. “I know I already said this but I really appreciate you taking care of my Isak.”

“Of course,” Even smiles smoothly. “I’ve been taking care of him since he was fifteen and I always will.” Jesus christ, does he have to say stuff like that? Isak’s stomach is doing somersaults at _I always will._ Marianne just smiles adoringly at Even, then gives Isak a look that seems to say he’s picked a good one.

It’s late when they’re done with dinner. Marianne and Even apparently had a lot of important things to catch up on. Such as swapping embarrassing stories about Isak. Traitors, both of them.

As Marianne starts getting ready to retreat to bed, Even prepares to leave as well, picking up his winter coat.

“Are you leaving?” Marianne asks, surprise wrinkling her forehead. “It’s so late. You can’t stay the night?”

Even looks unsure of what to do, glancing over at Isak. “Oh, it’s okay, you two probably have a lot mother-son bonding to do.”

“Don’t be silly! You’re part of the family, Even.” Marianne waves a dismissive hand. Family? Jesus, why is everyone out to get Isak? “Stay.”

Isak looks over at Even. Might as well. “Yeah, you should stay.”

“Great. Now, good night, boys. See you tomorrow,” Marianne smiles gently before retreating upstairs.

Isak follows her to make sure she has everything she needs in the spare room and to remind her to take her meds. As soon as they’re in the room she turns on him with a gentle smile. 

“I can tell how in love with him you are, sweetheart, I’m really happy for you,” she says before lifting a hand to gently stroke Isak’s cheek.

Isak swallows hard, “Uh, yeah, Thank you, mamma.”

 

He returns downstairs feeling a bit dazed and kind of sad. His mum telling him she can see how _in love with Even Isak is_ is just kind of… he doesn’t quite know.

“So I’m staying,” Even says, looking amused but frowning when he sees whatever look it is that Isak has on his face. “Everything okay?”

“Yeah, yeah,” Isak says, shaking his head and trying to stop thinking about his mum’s words. “Sorry, you probably wanted to go home, but I’m just trying to keep things believable and all that.”

Isak leads them to his room and as soon as they get there, he starts rummaging through his drawers to try and find some oversized clothes of his for Even to sleep in.

“All my clothes are probably too small on you, but these should be okay, I think,” Isak says, handing Even some light sweats and an old t-shirt.

“Thank you, little one,” Even grins.

“Ugh! Do _not_ bring that nickname back.” When Isak was twelve, Even started calling him little one and only stopped once Isak turned seventeen. Or didn’t stop, clearly.

“But you are little.”

Isak rolls his eyes so hard it actually hurts his head. “Whatever. You can get a shower first. You know where to find everything, right?”

“Yeah, thanks, little one,” Even says with a shit eating grin and then he’s on his way, followed by Isak’s groan.

*******

The next day is boring and uneventful, since Even is at work. (Isak chooses not to think about the fact that ever since he met Even, most days are in one of two categories: spent with Even, or boring and dull.) Isak texts him in the evening, though, asking him to come over. Even does.

They end up going to a gay bar they both like, and a random girl dares Isak to a shot off and Isak wins but at what cost? Because the next moment the girl is flirting with Even and Even is flirting back because Even flirts with everyone, and they have to leave because Isak starts crying. He’s a drunk crier, okay, that’s literally the only reason he started crying. One time he was drunk and started crying because there was no toilet paper, and he was _peeing,_ he didn’t even need toilet paper.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Even is asking when they get to Isak’s, Isak very drunk and Even a little tipsy. He needs to stop worrying, Isak is pretty sure he stopped crying like, years ago.

Isak stops Even in the small shoe corridor of his house and decides to ignore Even’s question because he has a better (worse) idea. “We should practice,” Isak says very seriously. As serious as he can be this drunk.

“Practice what?”

“Kissing,” Isak dead pans.

“Kissing?”

“Yeah, cause, you know,” Isak slurs, wracking his drunken brain for an excuse. God, he’s a mess. “I think we’re not being believable enough–”

He’s interrupted by Even’s gentle but firm hand on the back of his neck, another resting on Isak’s waist, and then Even is bending down and they’re kissing, and if Isak wasn’t so drunk he’d realise this is a horrible idea.

But he is drunk. And Even is amazing at kissing, not overpowering or sloppy, but still taking control and kissing Isak like he’s starving. His soft lips feel glorious against Isak’s and his long fingers like heaven where they stroke over Isak’s skin. Isak thinks they work well together, the kind of people that just have natural chemistry. Natural kissing chemistry.

Isak leads them inside. They make their way upstairs quietly, making sure not to wake anyone. Isak peeks into his mum’s room to make sure she’s safely in there, and when he sees her sleeping in her bed, he returns to Even who has made it to Isak’s room.

“You know… maybe we need a little more practice,” Isak says as soon as they’ve settled into his bed.

“Yeah, I think we do,” Even agrees immediately and then he’s grabbing Isak and pressing him to the mattress, and before Isak knows it they’re full on making out, Isak arching up against Even, spreading his legs for Even, Even’s hands making their way to Isak’s ass.

It’s as if Even comes to his senses then and pulls away, which makes Isak whine pathetically but is also a bit of a blessing since Isak is pretty sure he’s well on his way to coming in his pants like a teenager.

“You’re drunk. We should go to sleep,” Even says, voice husky and breathless, even though his eyes are fixed on Isak’s swollen lips.

“I’m not drunk,” Isak says. Even just raises an eyebrow at him and Isak surrenders. “Fine. Okay.”

There’s a small (okay, big) part of him that really wants to see what it would be like to sleep with Even. It’s probably been there ever since he realised he liked boys, but now that he’s kissed him, Isak is incapable of pretending like he doesn’t want him. The way Even touched him, sure and in control, makes Isak feel like his insides are on fire. Even must be amazing in bed, there’s no doubt about it in Isak’s mind.

He knows it wouldn’t be a good idea, though. He’s way too scared of what would come of it. He doesn’t think he could handle it if Even fucked him once and then wanted to go back to being friends like nothing happened.

If their friendship even is what it used to be anymore. Which is a scary thought. In Isak’s drunken mind they’re definitely not what they used to be anymore, purely platonic friends. They’re steadily headed towards… something. Maybe. Isak has no idea what. Now they’ve drunkenly had their tongues in each other mouths, which wouldn’t always shift a friendship into a non-platonic one, Isak has even made out with Eva once (he was very, _very_ drunk), but. It’s Even.

Now that he thinks about it, he’s not sure there’s any shift. Maybe it’s all in Isak’s head? Maybe all Even is doing is playing his part really well. Even probably sees him as nothing but his best friend who’s a good kisser.

It’s all too scary and big. Isak doesn’t want to think about it.

“Even?” Nothing. “Even!”

Even turns over and squints at him, “What is it?”

“I can’t sleep,” Isak whines. “You need to cuddle me.”

“Alright then, turn around,” Even says.

Isak squeals from delight which, what the fuck? That's all drunk Isak, sober Isak would _never._ Then he’s turning around and Even is pulling Isak’s back to his chest and burying his nose in the nape of his neck. The last thing Isak hazily remembers is Even placing a kiss to the highest knob of Isak’s spine.

*******

Isak wakes up to something poking his ass. It takes him a stupidly long time to realise it’s Even’s dick. Isak freezes, not knowing what to do. Even usually always wakes up before him, but surely he’s still asleep? Maybe Isak can just slip away. But Even is holding him pretty tightly around the waist and oh god, what does he do?

But then.

Then he feels what is definitely a thrust. Oh god. Even is thrusting his hard dick against Isak’s ass and this may be the highlight of Isak's entire _life_. His _I shouldn’t sleep with Even_ decision just flies out of his head as the blood rushes to his dick.

Isak gasps and fists the sheet in front of him with one hand and places the other on Even’s hip behind him. And he can’t help but think about how if they weren’t wearing clothes Even would be fucking him– Jesus fuck.

“Is this okay?” Even asks suddenly, breathing the question into Isak’s ear.

Isak just nods frantically, pushing back against Even and moaning. His own dick is more than halfway hard just from feeling Even’s against his ass, and Even’s thrusts are getting more frantic and–

There’s a knock at the door. “Isak? Even? Are you awake?” Marianne asks from outside.

They both spring up and Isak clears his throat, “Yeah, mamma, we’ll be down for breakfast in a few.” His voice comes out shaky and unstable.

“Okay, see you soon, boys,” she calls out.

As soon as they hear Marianne’s retreating footsteps, Even flops back down onto the bed. He covers his face with his hands and groans long and frustrated.

Isak sends him an apologetic shrug and a smile as he gets up, willing his boner to go away, “Sorry.”

*******

Later that morning, after Even’s left for work with a goodbye kiss for Isak (Isak’s mum wasn’t even _there,_ what is Even doing to him?), Isak is trying (and failing) very hard not to think about anything.

Kissing Even and being with Even is so _nice._ It feels so right, like this is what they should’ve been doing all along. Like, why have they been stupid friends for half a decade when they could’ve had this?

But. Not knowing how Even feels is making him feel like he’s losing it. He doesn’t know how he’s gonna deal with it if this is just fun for Even. If he just wants to get off with his best friend because it’s convenient, and here Isak is, falling in–

“You look very deep in thought.”

Isak’s head whips to the living room doorway. It’s Ella, one of her housemates.

“Hey, what’s up?”

“Nothing much, how about you? You look like you could use a chat,” Ella says, coming to sit down next to Isak.

Isak and Ella aren’t that close, but she’s nice, and Isak guesses talking to someone who isn’t involved in this mess could be nice.

“You know Even?”

Ella snorts, “The bloke who spends as much time here as you do? Yeah, we’ve met.”

“Yeah, well, um. You’re gonna call me stupid for this but… we’re pretending to date,” at Ella’s raised eyebrows, Isak sighs and continues, “My mum was worrying about me so much that I told her Even is my boyfriend who takes care of me, and now she’s visiting so we have to pretend to actually be boyfriends.”

Ella huffs out a laugh, “Wow. How’s _that_ going?”

Isak gathers his courage. He can do this. He can talk to someone about his… feelings. It’ll be fine. “We kissed last night. A lot. And this morning we… well. Kind of… humped,” Isak says, making a face as he does because _what?_

Ella bursts out laughing, “ _Humped?_ ”

“Shut up!” Isak knows his face is bright red and he punches Ella in the arm because this is her fault. “It’s the best way to describe it without giving you the details!”

“Okay, okay. So you’re doing stuff when your mum isn’t even there and you’re worried…?”

“I’m worried because… because I really like it. Like, it feels right,” Isak explains, staring down at his lap. “But if it’s just fun for him? Like, making out and having sex is fun and it’s convenient to do it with a friend, right?”

Ella puts a finger under his chin and lifts his head up so he’s looking at her. “I would tell you to just talk to him, but I know you won’t because you’re you. So I’ll tell you this: there’s a huge chance he’s just as into you as you are into him, so don’t go jumping into conclusions, okay? Even isn’t a total prick and it’s clear he really cares about you, so don’t make yourself sad by over-thinking,” she pats his thigh. “Now, I have got a party to get to!”

“Party? It’s noon.”

Ella just winks at her and disappears down the hallway.

*******

The next two days go by fast, in a whirlwind of school and taking his mum out with Even. Isak can’t stop kissing him, he physically can’t stop kissing Even. Any time they’re in private it’s like he can’t help himself, immediately has his lips glued to Even’s. He doesn’t know what they’re doing. He knows they should talk but Isak is scared. He convinces himself the only reason he keeps making out with Even is to make the whole boyfriend act believable.

He tries to keep Ella’s advice in mind, too, because it was good advice. He needs to not over-think everything and just… chill. At the end of the day Even is his best friend and always will be. That won’t change, Isak won’t let it.

And at least his plan has worked, because his mum is _more_ than convinced that Isak and Even are a couple. With how many time she has walked in on them groping each other in just three days, it’d be weird if she didn’t. There’s also the fact that Even stares at Isak like he wants to ruin him, and Isak’s very sure he looks like he wants to swallow Even whole about ninety percent of the time.

 

Even takes them all out to the London Eye, and they have lunch there. Even spends over half the time taking pictures of Isak and Marianne (mostly Isak), then they drink a bit too much champagne and all get a little tipsy.

Isak’s not sure he’s ever felt quite as happy as he does here, with his mum and his hand in Even’s, playing that game where you people watch and try to guess people’s life stories. Even comes up with the most elaborate shit and Isak’s mum mostly laughs at Isak and Even bickering over whether that girl is a hair stylist or a tattoo artist, or that guy is the CEO of a company or just has rich parents.

Isak wishes so bad that this could last. That this was even real. That Even was really his boyfriend, taking him and his mum out to lunch. That she wasn’t leaving tomorrow and Isak and Even would go back to being just friends. That Isak was brave enough to actually talk to Even about what they’re doing. 

But Isak isn’t brave when it comes to Even, so for now he just lets himself enjoy getting to be Even’s boyfriend for two more days.

*******

Isak and Even say goodbye to Marianne at home because Isak hates airports and she insists that she can make it on her own, and that she won’t let them take her. They make her promise to call if she gets lost or has any issues.

When she hugs Even, she whispers something in his ear and Even smiles, looking over at Isak with a gentle smile and a nod. When it’s Isak’s turn, he gets the usual goodbye kisses and hugs. He hugs his mum tightly and presses a kiss to her cheek.

And then she’s gone.

Isak panics a little when he turns to Even and realises that Even can go, there’s no reason for him to be in his house all the time and sleeping in his bed and kissing him and holding him. It’s fucking sad, makes Isak’s chest tighten. He doesn’t want it to be over.

“I guess we don’t have to pretend anymore, so you can like, go, if you want.” Isak shrugs.

“Iss, you look sad,” Even states, walking over to him and drawing him into a hug. “I know it sucks saying goodbye to your mum. I could stay? I’ll even watch shitty action movies for you.”

Isak smiles against Even’s chest. Saying goodbye to his mum does always make him sad. They only properly reconciled their relationship when Isak was seventeen and having to say goodbye to her isn’t really something he ever gets used to. And Even is just so great, Isak feels like his heart is bursting and breaking both at the same time.

“Okay, but I hope you know what you got yourself into. I want to watch all of the Final Destination’s.”

 

They end up cuddling and making out on the couch, forgetting about the movie completely. Isak thinks this is part of Even’s evil plan so that he doesn’t have to watch Final Destination.

Neither one of them mention the fact that Isak’s mum is gone and they wouldn’t have to make out.

Even is currently kissing his neck, and at Isak’s approving sighs he starts moving downwards, rucking up Isak’s shirt and leaning down to plant a soft kiss on his chest. He moves onto Isak’s sensitive nipples, and Isak feels his senses all amp up, especially when Even starts properly sucking on his nipples, instead of the feather light touches he first gave him.

“Ev,” Isak whimpers, fisting Even’s hair in his hands and arching his back, trying to push his chest impossibly closer to Even’s mouth. 

Even pulls back and gets back to kissing Isak’s lips, gets him to open up for him and makes him melt with soft strokes of his tongue, then bites down hard on Isak’s bottom lip, making him moan.

Even brushes his lips under Isak’s ear, drags them down his neck before sinking his teeth into the skin at his collarbone and sucking a mark there, which makes Isak’s hips jerk.

“Be still,” Even says firmly, which is weirdly hot, makes Isak’s face feel like it’s burning as Even makes his way down to suck at his hip bone. When he gets Isak out of his sweats, Isak is already breathing hard. His lust hazy brain can’t remember why this isn’t a good idea and he wants it so bad.

“Even,” he pants. “We’re in the living room. My housemates…”

“You’ll just have to hope they won’t walk in,” Even mumbles, looking up at Isak. And then he’s sinking his teeth in the pale meat of Isak’s inner thigh, holding his legs open wide so he can suck a mark there.

“Fuck, Even,” Isak chokes out and gets lost in the feeling of Even doing his thing between his spread thighs.

*******

When Isak wakes up his body aches, in that delicious way that means he got fucked last night, but Even is gone.

Isak doesn’t bother looking for him in the kitchen, since he can see from the couch that his shoes and coat aren’t by the door.

Isak feels so pathetic and stupid that he just cries. He drags himself to his bed, texts his roommates to not bother him and buries himself under his blankets.

He’s so sad and embarrassed. And he can’t keep pretending anymore that he isn’t in love with Even. He’s been trying to squash it down and make it go away all this time but it’s there. It’s been there for years and it’s been steadily growing since the day Even agreed to the stupid fake boyfriend plan. Isak never knew that his idiotic plan would end like this and if he did, he never would’ve opened his big mouth in the first place.

There is a small, traitorous voice in his head, that thinks maybe, just maybe he could try telling Even how he feels, and Even would feel the same. Maybe Isak just misunderstood it and maybe Even wants him back. And they could be one of those cliché couples everyone hates, who were best friend for years before they fell in love and lived happily ever after.

But as soon as he lets himself think like that, he remembers that Even left. He fucked him and left, no note, no text, nothing. Isak never thought Even would do that, not even to a one night stand and especially not to Isak. There’s no way he feels for Isak what Isak feels for him.

*******

After crying Isak gets drunk a lot. He goes out with his uni friend, Cat, who reminds him of Eva so he’s very fond of her, and gets absolutely hammered. The only reason he doesn’t drunk call or text Even is because Cat knows about his whole pathetic heartbreak and takes his phone away from him at the beginning of each night.

He knows it’s irresponsible, knows drinking to forget about your problems is never a good idea. But he’s a twenty year old uni student, okay. Getting drunk to forget about a boy who crushed your heart is like a universal rule for people his age.

“You know,” Isak is slurring during their second night out. “I’m like, sooo over Even!”

“Sure, Jan,” Cat mumbles. She’s only had two beers and Isak is already headed towards an alcohol poisoning.

“Who’s Jan?” Isak asks, frowning, before waving his hand dismissively. “Doesn’t matter. My point is… what was my point? Right! Even! I don’t even like him, you know? I’m sooo over him.”

Cat just sighs into her pint.

The more Isak mopes the more he feels like a pathetic mess, though. He’s acting like he got dumped by the love of his life or something, when in reality they never even dated and Even has every right to not want anything romantic with Isak.

But he can’t deny how much it hurts. Even has every right to, but that doesn’t make it any better. Getting fucked and dumped is never nice, but it’s horrible when it’s your best friend you’re secretly in love with doing it. Isak wishes he could at least hate Even, but he loves him too much for that.

*******

Isak gives himself five days to drink his sadness and heartbreak away, after that he’s so sick of dealing with the hangovers he feels like if he even looks at any soft of alcoholic beverage he’s gonna throw up.

Then he gets back into his old routine, going to school and studying and not sleeping well. He buries himself in his school work so that he has no time to think about Even. He spends more time with his housemates than he has since he moved here. He works out and goes jogging to try and make himself happy. He even tries meditating.

It’s not like he’s had a big break up or anything, he just… got fucked and dumped by his best friend. No big deal. 

It just sucks that Even hasn't contacted him at all. It's been almost a week and he hasn't even texted Isak. To be fair, Isak hasn't texted Even either but he feels like he has to right to wait for Even to make that move.

But he and Even will go back to being best friends and Isak will re-bury his feelings somewhere very deep. One fuck doesn’t have to ruin a friendship. Isak won’t let it ruin their friendship, he’s still sure about that. Because Even really is his best friend in the world. It fucking hurts being in love with him but he doesn’t know what he’d do without him in his life, and he doesn’t want to find out.

*******

Then Even shows up at his house, a week after they had sex.

He looks way too good for a man Isak is desperately trying to get over. Isak really wishes he wasn’t in love with Even so they could do no strings attached sex, because it’s a shame they aren’t doing it on every available surface of his house. Or that Even was also in love with him and they could have monogamous, loving sex on every available surface of his house. You know. Whichever.

“Listen, Isak. I think we need to talk,” Even states once Isak has lead him to his bedroom, because his roommates have people over in the living room.

Isak immediately freezes. _We need to talk_ is never good. He doesn’t want Even to hurt him anymore. He just wants to go back to being friends with him and pretending like he isn’t ridiculously, embarrassingly, stupidly in love with him.

Isak crosses his arms and braces himself. “Go on,” he says, despite how scared he is.

“Well. I think it’s pretty obvious that I have feelings for you.” What? “And unless I’m reading this all wrong I feel like you might feel the same way. I mean, I never thought we could be together at first because we’ve just been friends for so long but it just feels right, right? You’re the most important person in my life, and it took me a long time to figure out that what I feel for you isn’t platonic or just me being protective, but...” Even takes a big breath before asking his next question. “Maybe we could try dating? For real this time?”

Isak’s standing there with his mouth hanging open. A small part of him is ecstatic, ready to jump into Even’s arms and ride (him) off into the sunset, but the rest of him just… doesn’t understand.

“Sorry, what?” Isak asks.

Even looks confused, “Sorry, what...?”

Isak shakes his head as if to clear it, his curls falling over his eyes. “I mean, you? What? Have feelings for me? Is this a joke?” Isak knows he sounds hurt. Because he really feels like the only explanation is that this is some kind of sick, very un-funny joke.

“A joke? Why would it be a joke?” Even looks kind of offended now. Great job, Isak.

“It just… doesn’t make sense,” Isak tries to explain and feels a ridiculous lump in his throat. Fuck, he really doesn’t want to start crying.

“Why doesn’t it make sense, Issy?” Even asks more gently now.

“Because! You’re the one who left after we slept together and didn’t contact me for a week! You can’t just do that and then tell me you have feelings for me and expect me to not be a little lost!”

Suddenly Even looks really upset and guilty and shit, that isn’t what Isak wanted. “I know. I’m sorry. I just freaked out,” he starts. “I know that isn’t an excuse but. You’re so important to me and I’ve always looked out for you, you know that, you’re like my baby. So when I slept with you I just freaked out because I didn’t want to hurt you, and I was an idiot because I ended up hurting you even more by not just telling you that I needed some time to think about everything. I’m _so_ sorry, Issy. And if you don’t want this, if you want us to just stay friends, that’s okay, Isak, I promise. I’m not gonna lie, it would suck, but I would get over it, or at least I would try my hardest. I just want you in my life no matter what,” he says gently, and he’s moving towards the door, as if he’s about to leave to give Isak some time to think. But Isak doesn’t need to think.

“No, wait!” Isak yells probably a bit too loud, but for some reason he feels like his life depends on saying the next words he’s gonna say. He can't have Even thinking that he doesn't want him for one more second. “I… I’ve been in love with you since I was seventeen.”

Even’s face goes slack and he’s looking at Isak like he’s not even real. “Isak...”

Isak takes a shaky breath, “I want to be with you. And I’m shit at relationships, like really shit, that’s why I’m twenty and have never been able to even keep one, but I want to try–”

Isak is struggling and Even can tell, of course he can tell, so he interrupts him, “If you want to try then I do as well. We’ll work together, okay?”

“Okay,” Isak breathes out. He’s so happy, voice shaking with excitement, staring back at Even’s mirroring grin. And then Even is taking two long strides and he’s in front of Isak, holding his face between his warm hands and kissing him, steady and gentle and everything Isak’s desperately missed for the past week, guiding them to Isak’s bed and pulling Isak closer until he’s in Even’s lap, trying to get closer still.

They kiss and kiss in bed for hours, until neither of them can feel their lips and they’re practically falling asleep on each other. Even turns Isak around and spoons up behind him, giving him a final kiss to the nape of his neck.

*******

When Isak wakes up the next morning, Even is still there, holding him around the centre as always, and not because of any stupid plan of Isak’s but because he loves Isak just as much as Isak loves him and they’re going to give this a try. And Isak has a feeling they’re going to be amazing together.


End file.
